You know that first time? The first experience when you first touch a girl? Not just any touch. The one where, you know, slowly caress her and feel her up close, breathing down on her. You’re both nervous. Especially you, despite all your macho talk and mannerism, but you still get that feeling in your stomach either way. Not a moment of weakness, not a trial – but the fragile desire to get it right and not ruin the indelible moment where the both of you succumb to the primal instincts driven by hormonal means.
Everything feels natural, yet so wrong at the same time. Staring into her eyes with one hand on her hip, the other in her hair against the white backdrop of the window on a weekday afternoon when your parents are out. She bites her lips while she avoids looking back into your eyes because she feels the same trepidation that you hide so well. You gently lift her face up by her chin and bring her closer for a prolonged kiss, pulling her by the small of her back and she tries to feebly resist by pushing her arms against your chest.
She gives in, raising her arms around your neck and jumps up to wrap her legs around your hip, trust you to catch her. When you do catch her, she pulls her face back and smile. You have her undivided trust, but you don’t know the significance of that. Instead, you gaze at her innocent face as you support her weight by holding her back and thigh, as you realise just how light she was at that moment. You lower her by the end of the bed, laying her slowly unto her back while she releases her embrace from you to move up to a comfortable position amidst the blanket and pillows.
It all came down to this fixed point in time, when she shyly takes off her top completely as you take off yours. You know full well she’s vulnerable when she lies down to remove her bottom, but you look at her in awe of her full naked glory. She scrambles for the blanket anyway, covering whatever dignity she thinks she might have left.
You join her under the blanket and lay your head on the pillow next to her, noticing that she continues to avoid your eyes. And you inch closer to her, yearning to feel the warmth of her body against yours, wanting her to hold on to you.
“Seize the initiative!” You think to yourself.
“You shouldn’t be freezing now! It’s not the time. But it’s our first time. Let’s take it slow.”
“No. I can’t take it anymore. But no foreplay?”
The internal debate in your head continues, but you snap out of it when you feel the gentle touch of your girlfriend’s hand against yours as she holds on to it. She’s shaking as she guides your hand under the blanket to her chest. Your perception of her changes – no longer a girl, but a woman to be.
She closes her eyes, and you move your hand to cup her breast. You’ve watched all the porn, heard all the stories, read sites like this one, but nothing will ever come close to feeling the soft touch of her breasts. Her nervousness is palpable, and that encourages you. Twiddling with her hard nipples while you go under the blanket to face them head on. You resist the urge to lick one for a while, thinking that she might not be prepared. But her moans outside of the fabric suggests that she was enjoying the process thus far.
“Ah, what the hell.” Positioning yourself to her left nipple, you lick it with the tip of your tongue, gradually moving on to flicking it slowly while being mindful to continue to play with the other one.
“Man, this is hard.” the weight of your upper body rests on both your elbows digging into the bed by the side of her chests. Her moans beckon you to continue while she runs her fingers into your hair. Then you remember something else, and you break the brief exercise on her chest to shuffle yourself downwards between her legs.
“Hey, it’s ticklish when you breathe like that” it was a reference to you being too close to her vagina. You don’t care about that comment and you draw your face towards her clit and begin licking her, stretching your arms under her thighs to reach both her breasts. The overeagerness to pleasure her pays off as she moans louder at her virgin experience of having her vagina being eaten out. You’re mindful of her reaction, but she relishes at the experience, applying pressure against the side of your head with her hands. With every stroke across the tiny bump at the top of her vagina, she moans out louder. Soon, you notice her grabbing onto your one of your hand tightly while she crumples to top of the bed with the other. You don’t see this, but you know she has her head pushed deep into one of the pillows as she tries to hold back her scream. She yells out your name into the pillow.
“Don’t stop! It feels like, I’m getting something. Just don’t stop!” Her legs close in onto your face from the sides when she arches her back towards the blanket, she screams out in ecstasy into the ceiling, reverberating her euphoria throughout the empty apartment as she experiences her first orgasm. Followed by the hypersensitivity that cock blocks you from fucking her as she quickly pushes you away slightly from her vagina before falling back onto the pillow panting away, trying to recover from her climax.
When you pop your head out to see her, she blushes and turns away to bury her face into the pillow. You explain to her that she just had her first orgasm and it was perfectly natural, but she takes some time to let it sink in that it was a perfectly natural reaction. Secretly hoping that she can deal with the throbbing erection that has been neglected for the past twenty minutes. To remind her, you “accidentally” brush it against the back of her thigh and she squeaks out in shock.
“What was that? Was that your cock?” You answer in the positive, and you noted her innate curiosity was aroused. She wasn’t paying attention to her vagina, but now wanted to pay attention to you. Your girlfriend needed some coaxing, similar to how she guided your hand, you guided hers. Letting her wrap her palm gently around the shaft, welcoming the feel of someone else’s hand on your cock. It was long awaited, and more importantly, surreal.
You knew that one day, you’d have a girl or a woman show your member some loving – be it by paying for it, finding yourself Dr. Strangelove, or a drunk one night stand in the future. But you would never think that at your age, you would come to take away the innocence of a girl, turning her into a woman.
“Is this how I should do it?” she begins to stroke along the length of your cock. You nod in affirmation, but you couldn’t believe that a young Christian girl would let you violate her like this.
“It feels huge. This is supposed to go inside me?”
Deciding it was time, you put yourself over her and spread her legs apart with your own while you put your face in front of hers. She received you by wrapping her arms from below your armpits onto your shoulders from behind.
“Be gentle, ok? This is precious.”
“Mmhmm.” Shifting your groin closer, she reciprocated by grabbing your cock just below the tip to guide it to the vagina. When it made contact, something ticked in your head.
“This is it.” you thought, pushing your groin towards her with the cautious attention to her reaction. Her hissing coupled with her clenched teeth told you that she was bearing the pain from her hymen being slowly torn as she tried her best to not resist. It felt warm, and extremely wet from her aroused state. Each thrust gave you a pleasure that wasn’t derived from the fucking, but the knowledge that she was enjoying the process of having your undivided attention, being slowly coaxed to another intense orgasm despite the pain. She raised her legs to wrap your around your waist to give you a physical assertion that everything was all right.
“It’s painful, but I want this. I want you to keep going.” it wasn’t a request. She was being polite because of the animalistic state you are both in, locked in a passionate embrace that her naive self held most sacred.
In the build up, she adapted to the gyrations of your hip and became numb to the pain amidst the pleasure that shot up into her head each time you slid past her g-spot. She was no longer hypersensitive, and resumed moaning, digging her fingernails into your back. Lost in the act of debauchery, she let go of her inhibitions and felt the length of your back as you thrust into her slowly.
She whispers into your ear, “You can go faster if you want.” it was not an FYI. It was a request by her. You obliged and you lock her lips with yours, muffling her moans concurrently increasing the strength and speed of your strokes. Her body tightens as you feel that familiar feeling from the depths of your groin intensify from a slight ember into an uncontrollable urge to be released, she breaks the kiss and pulls you towards her with a strength you didn’t know that her petite body can have. Throughout, you hear her moans reach a peak before coming to an abrupt pause when you can no longer hold it in, and ejaculate into her, not able to make out the throbbing of your own cock from the periodic clamp of her vagina from her orgasm.
Slumping onto her bare body, she strokes your hair silently, as your cock slides out of her vagina followed by the mix of cum trickling out onto the bed.
Turning to look into her eyes, you both smile and laugh now that it’s over.
Deep down inside, you ask yourself – “Will I regret this? Defiling this young girl like this? She was so innocent, yet I introduced her to all this. Despite our relationship being rocky the past few weeks.” When she left you, it was too late for you to realise, but that moment was the ultimate culmination of her love for you.
In a sick, twisted way, I know I still do, and it will never stop haunting me.